You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
