i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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