Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
