I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
