JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
