she smelled like a LAN party
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
