This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
