you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
