Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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