i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
