I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
