i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
