I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
