i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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