i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
