Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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