if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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