the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
