This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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