Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
