This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
