the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
