for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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