i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
