I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
