so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
