Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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