I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
