I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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