That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
