...so i touched it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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