hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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