dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
