Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
