I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
