Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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