you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
