I am full of burrito and curiosity
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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