I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
