I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
