Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
