"it" just moved
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
