Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
