Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
