Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
