I look better un-naked...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
