Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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