decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
