Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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