Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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