omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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