Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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